Elf
by squidgesfics
Summary: Hermione has an interesting idea for Draco's Christmas costume.


**This fic was written for a challenge and the theme was 'Elf.' I hope you enjoy it:)**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing!**

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Draco Malfoy was not a modest man. He was not the kind of man who would say something like 'don't be stupid, I'm not that at all' if told he were handsome or beautiful. He would not act humble when complimented. He would not blush furiously when women caught his eyes and smiled flirtatiously at him. Even to himself, Draco Malfoy was _obviously _ridiculously attractive, so why try and deny it?

In his twenty-five years on this earth, Draco had never known anyone who was capable of making him feel range of emotions so wide that he thought his head might explode as Hermione Granger. His relationship with his wife of two years was something that he valued tremendously but that saw him shaking in frustration, laughter, anger and a stupid number of other emotions every day.

He loved his wife. Loved her to pieces in fact - they'd been through so much. But when it came to certain parts of her personality – i.e. her obsession with celebrating Christmas as much as possible – Draco had little patience.

Today was no better than any of the other days leading up to Christmas for Draco and his wife. Hermione had become so excited about 'getting into the Christmas spirit' that she had bought matching Christmas costumes for the two of them.

Not only had she insisted that Draco wear his to the huge Christmas party the retired members of the Order were holding, but she had also insisted that he wear said hideous costume to the Weasleys' Christmas dinner the week following. Draco Malfoy was a stubborn man, but no man was a match for Hermione Granger when it came to an argument.

This would mean that not only would Draco look like a complete and utter idiot in front of Potter, but he would also look like said idiot in front of Weasley and his entire family. All right, so he was friends with Potter, Weasley and even Weasley's family now, but that didn't mean that they wouldn't tear him to shreds as soon as they saw him in his stupid costume.

Draco Malfoy was now trying on his costume in the connecting bathroom of his bedroom. He scowled into his reflection.

'How does it look, darling?' Hermione shouted from their bedroom.

'Absolutely bloody ridiculous,' Draco replied, 'but I doubt that will affect whether I am forced to wear this revolting costume or not.'

He heard her laugh and his scowl increased.

'I'm sure you look gorgeous as always,' she shouted back and Draco could detect laughter in her tone. 'Come out so I can see you.'

'No,' he replied quickly, checking the toilet door was locked.

'Don't be stupid, Draco.' The handle on the door pressed down but the locked door didn't open. 'Why did you lock the door?'

'Because, Granger,' he spat, 'I refuse to have to suffer the humiliation of you bursting out laughing as soon as you see me.'

'Surely it's not so repulsive that you're punishing me by referring to me as 'Granger' again, Malfoy?' She asked, sarcastically.

He rolled his eyes.

'What does yours look like?' he eventually asked.

'Good,' Hermione replied, 'but I'm not showing you until you show me what yours looks like.'

He growled and she laughed.

'Don't be so melodramatic, Draco.'

'I wouldn't have to be if I didn't look like such a bloody fairy.'

Hermione laughed, the double meaning of the word not lost on her.

Draco jumped when the door to the bathroom suddenly began to open. He pushed it closed quickly, meeting the resistance of his wife's foot blocking the frame.

'Hermione, did you just charm this door open?' he asked, disbelieving.

'Maybe…' she giggled.

'You insufferable little-'

'Ferret?' she finished for him. 'Draco, I do believe that that is _my _insult. Now open the stupid door.'

Draco sighed in frustration.

'All right,' he said finally, 'but if you laugh I will refuse to wear it ever again.'

Hermione grinned, pushing open the door that was no longer being held closed.

Her hand flew to her mouth and she stared at Draco, fighting hard against the urge to burst out laughing.

Draco glared at her, waiting for any sign of laughter so that he had an excuse not to wear the monstrosity.

He might have looked threatening and Hermione might indeed have felt frightened but for the fact that he was dressed as one of Father Christmas' elves.

A pointed, red hat with green trimmings had been pulled onto his head, making his ears stick out more than normal. On his feet were some large, shiny black boots that came half way up his shins to meet the three-quarter-length green trousers with red trimmings that he was also wearing. The trousers were tight and clung to Draco like leggings – to his dismay. The shirt he was wearing was equally tight, clinging to the curves of his pectorals in a way that Draco did not consider attractive. This skin-tight shirt was also green with red trimmings. He looked bloody ludicrous.

Draco folded his arms.

'Well?' he asked bitterly.

Hermione grinned at him.

'I told you you'd lau-' he began.

'I'm not laughing, Draco,' she smiled. 'You look positively edible.'

He raised his left eyebrow slowly at her.

'So what's yours like, then?' he asked, drawing attention away from his own costume.

Hermione was wearing a dressing gown so it was impossible for him to see if her costume was as disastrous as his own. She smiled coyly and reached down to undo her gown. She let it fall off her shoulders and onto the floor.

Draco gulped.

Hermione's costume – if you could even call it that – consisted only of an itsy bitsy, teeny weeny, white bikini with red trimmings.

'Surely you're not going to be wearing that in front of Potter and the Weasleys?' he asked, incredulously.

'No, no, darling,' Hermione smiled again, stepping towards Draco so their lips were almost touching. 'This is just for you.' She pressed her lips to his and he wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her flush against him. 'I have another one, made of more material. She smiled coyly and Draco and kissed him again.

A moment later she broke away and said, 'I don't think the costume is quite right for you.'

Draco breathed a sigh of relief.

'Elves aren't supposed to be that sexy.'

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Thank you for reading!


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